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  • Religion

    A friend’s post on facebook triggered some thoughts on religion, so I expanded my comment (not science/policy related, so feel free to glaze over).

    I grew up Hindu, or shall we say, Tamil Brahmin. In India, each community’s practice of Hinduism is very different, informed by place, caste, class and more, so calling yourself a Hindu is not very illuminating. I went to the temples with my parents, and felt a connection with something (in hindsight, it was the architecture, grandeur more than Ganapathy) I prayed (after a fashion), more for specific things like “Oh god, let me do well in this test” rather than anything. I participated in the ritual and festivals, like any good kid. All this ritualistic practice aside, my single greatest spiritual memory as a young adult (and to this day) is a 5 minute meditation experience I had with my uncle sitting in a simple Ramakrishna Mission hall. I remember losing connection with my usually racing brain and reaching what I perceived as a meaningful connection with God, but what I would now associate with a particularly successful mindfulness practice. I still haven’t quite achieved that sense of “levitation” since.

    I remember being about 15, going to a really crowded temple (I think it was this one) and jostling with thousands of other people to get a fleeting glimpse of a stone (or gold plated? super rich temple!) idol, I lost my faith in one moment (at least, that’s how I perceive it). I persisted in going to temples and participating in ritual for a bit, hell, even going back to the same temple a couple of years later, but there was nothing there.

    ganapathyInto my late teens and twenties, I tuned much more into the powers of organized religion to oppress, deny freedom and restrict behaviour. At that age, I perceived the community around me using religion (in hindsight, it’s much more complicated) to restrict my activities and censure them (oh privileged male!). I was very likely to lump the people with their religion. I did not believe religion to be a force of anything other than restriction and censure, and I judged the people around me who still practiced their religion in spite of “ought to know better”. I very plainly refused to practice any rituals, or go to temples. Leaving India helped as well, since I had no community pressure to practice anything.

    Those years were ritual free (after a fashion), and I would call myself a primarily analytical person, using logic to solve problems (oh, so simple!). But, I did find ritual missing in my life. Into my thirties, I sub-consciously (at first) started to incorporate some ritualistic practices like morning coffee, regular gym workouts, and many other time based ritual activities as a substitute. My health and well-being definitely improved, though you could say the fact that I chose gym workouts as a ritual rather than bar hopping did not hurt! But, that’s really the point of ritual, isn’t it, to find the ones that centre you?

    As I grow older, I am less militantly anti-religious and more likely to incorporate yoga, mindfulness, meditation and other behaviours that could be associated with spirituality into my life. But I see them as healthy behaviours, almost like exercise rather than connecting me to something greater. I went through a phase wishing I could believe in a god again, it would be a lot easier than having to figure it out for yourself, but that passed. I am still as atheist as I’ve ever been, just a lot more tolerant of other people’s paths and processes. I understand that everyone’s well being depends on connection, whether it is social, or spiritual or physical. If their practice of “religion” or their belief helps them achieve that connection, that’s just lovely (The last few times I’ve visited India, I’ve even let my parents drag me on temple excursions!) That is, as long as they do not end up supporting oppressive homophobic, racist or misogynist behaviour based on religion. I still believe that most organized religion is a tool of patriarchy and control, and cynically uses people’s need for connection to achieve political power and money, so no support there.

     

  • |

    Old-School Music Snobbery

    (Warning, fact-free reminiscences, no policy, science or anything resembling analysis, possibly of interest only to my indulgent friends)

    Obscure knowledge was once a kind of currency. To get it, you had to be in the loop. You had to know the right people to learn about the right bands. You had to know the right record stores to hear those bands.

    via Why the Old-School Music Snob Is the Least Cool Kid on Twitter – NYTimes.com.

    This article took me back to my 15 year old self. I grew up in pre-cable, pre-“liberalized” India where access to “Western” popular music was very limited, and class and income segregated. The top 40 stuff of the time was available as cassette tapes. Finding albums was almost impossible, most of the time, you got “Now this is what I call music” type compilations. The music popular and available as LPs was a mix of big names like The Beatles, ABBA,  and an eclectic mix of  Boney M, Osibisa, The Ventures, Uriah Heep? (don’t even ask). The popularity of these more off-the-wall choices was probably linked to their willingness to tour India and bring their records.

    My mom was a huge Beatles and Cliff Richard fan growing up, catching it on Indian and Sri Lankan radio in the early to mid 1960s. As I cast my mind back to my parents’ collection, I see a bunch of Beatles LPs (The Red, Blue and Rock’n’Roll Double LP compilations), some ABBA, Boney M, Uriah Heep, The Ventures 🙂 I didn’t have money to buy my own, and we didn’t really have too much money to spend on records anyway.

    Which brings me to 15, my music tastes have stagnated, I’m occasionally listening to random mixes of music, done with ABBA, still liking the Beatles (I still like the Beatles!), but need more. Where can I find music that will move me? Well, there’s no internet, and no radio/TV playing anything other than Top 40 stuff (very rarely) or the Beatles. I don’t have rich relatives in the US to send me music either. In hindsight, I guess I could have tried short wave radio (which we definitely used a lot for sports), but how do you know what’s cool?

    I was “rescued” by a friend, with whom I listened to a very scratchy recording one day. This friend was lucky enough to have an older brother who had access to music. The first minute of Black Dog changed my life! I “discovered” Led Zeppelin in 1988(9), and all the usual suspects soon after. I can’t even begin to express how I felt the first time I heard Bohemian Rhapsody. I know, right, what a lot of my friends from when I was older and living in the US and Canada  think of as the most clichéd over-exposed, un-cool songs set the cool kids of Madras apart from the rest.

    Finding full albums of music of decent audio quality was another matter. We soon heard through word of mouth (probably the brother) of this magical small store in Anna Nagar, on the other side of the city. So, we took the bus out one day. Anna Nagar was a gridded sub-division, which for some reason confused people like me who lived in older parts of the city. We had an address, which led us to a house on a mundanely residential street, with a small sign board for the “shop”, only open evenings. We walk in, and, magic, it was many rows of LPs stacked and arranged alphabetically by band. You told the guy at the store what albums you wanted, gave him blank cassettes and money, and a week later (a long week later), you went back and picked up your magical tape. A 90 minute cassette could fit two albums, of course, so I always associate Led Zeppelin II with The Best of Cream (back to back).

    Wow, clear LP transfers of music, I still remember all those little discoveries like the bass pedal response of Mitch Mitchell to Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze riff, and scratching “Excuse me, while I kiss the sky” on every desk I sat in for a couple of years.

    I was also part of a crack school quiz team at a time when these quizzes were basically wank fests for people like us. We got quiz “masters” asking us obscure music trivia and playing songs from the 60s and 70s for us to identify and win the quiz shows. Looking back, our smug superiority was probably unwarranted 🙂 This period was the peak of musical snobbery, limited access meet obscure knowledge! I hoarded, I judged, I laughed at people who listened to the wrong music, not a very nice 19 year old at all. We had no internet, but I had “discovered” that libraries were a great source of music books and my obscure minutiae quotient was off the charts. That strange intersection of my “discovery” of music and its scarcity was a magical and intense place.

    Things changed. MTV hit India in 1993, and grunge showed up in Madras at about the same time it took  over the US. I could also hit up my US based sister for music, band shirts, merch. Stores started bringing tapes in (and CDs, though those were some shiny unaffordable jewels). But there was still that class-based division, and access was limited, though every year made the music more accessible.

    Moving to North Carolina hipster heaven brought the rather unwelcome news that classic rock (oh, so my music has a genre?) was associated with middle aged white folk, and as uncool as it got. Oh well, it didn’t stop me from listening, but parties became a bit less fun. My music tastes expanded into the roots of all that rock, into blues, jazz, and funk.

    As I understood the politics of appropriation and where all that music really came from, my attitudes changed, and I listen less. But those riffs still have a direct connection to a very emotional part of my brain. I will always be that uncool kid who knows every Jimmy Page solo in my head even as I cringe at the misogyny and racism of the lyrics and laugh at the bombast and obvious masculine posturing.

    I am very glad that the internet has mostly erased the boundaries. The ability to listen to a song just by searching for it is life-changing. Yes, people will still judge, but it is harder and harder to hoard, and use scarcity as a filter. I love it. My relationship with the music has not changed. When I hear something I like, it is still such an intense emotional experience, especially when it links back to memories, the people I first heard it with, the things I did when the music was playing in the background, it’s lovely.

    To end, another quote from the article…

    Populism is the new model of cool; elitists, rather than teeny-boppers or bandwagon-jumpers, are the new squares. There are now artists who sell out concerts while rarely getting played on commercial radio

     

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    Walking

    OspreyNot policy related, but I don’t write free form anything ever, so this is a rare occurrence that is going on the blog. PS: Work does not necessarily mean paid work. Osprey courtesy Sergey Yeliseev’s Flickr Stream used under a creative commons licence because the osprey is on my top 5 list of favourite birds and I did see one eating a rabbit on my walk back from work once.

    Walking

    I wish I worked like I walk
    One foot in front of another
    A steady, fast pace
    Direct, seeking straight lines
    Diagonals
    Obstacles gone around or over
    But always pausing to smile at the rabbits
    Or to wonder when that osprey’s going to make my day
    I wish I worked like I walk
    Anticipating every light
    Speeding up or slowing down
    Observing every car that doesn’t see me
    Shaking to a song that moves
    But the walk continues
    I wish I worked like I walk
    Rain or shine, only the clothes and accessories change
    The pace is still steady
    A destination awaits
    I know why I walk
    The path is good and the end is clear.
    and maybe that’s why
    I don’t work like I walk…

     

  • Post-Retreat Brain

    I took time recently to attend a 3 day (mostly) silent meditation retreat by a beautiful lake recently. I’ll write about my retreat experience in a bit but I wanted to remind myself of the immediate effects post-retreat

    Picture of a human brain just for illustrative purposes
    • When I came out of the retreat and drove back from Nanaimo to Victoria, that was my first time out in the world post-retreat. Every sense was much clearer, it was like I had walked out of a sense fog. I just drove back, the nearly 2 hours with the stereo completely off. I was just contemplative and present, observing the world passing by me, wild!
    • I had put away my phone on airplane mode for the retreat. While it did come back on, and I am using it, my relationship with the phone has changed fundamentally. no more random pickups, no browsing while walking, way less listening to music to quiet the mind. My consumption is >90% intentional now and I am able to notice when I drift to “browse” mode. Same with my laptop, tablet etc. I am still using all of these things, just not the same way
    • I have spent zero time on social media in 10 days, and I don’t miss it at all. I assume I’ll get back to some of it one of these days
    • I have consumed way way less news, I have not opened the IOS news app which I used to read all day. I still look at my rss feeds and check local news, but I’m now a bit out of touch. I’ll want to be a bit more in touch soon, but no hurry!
    • So little YouTube! I’ve only used it for workouts, yoga etc. I used to watch sports highlights, gone, distract myself with random videos, gone!
    • I’ve watched an episode or three of Stranger Things with my partner at night, but it has also been intentional and reminds me of watching TV in the 90s!
    • Okay, enough about the browsing! Physically, I get through chores and physical tasks I used to find challenging effortlessly, whether it’s picking stuff up and putting it away, dishes, cooking, laundry. It’s just happening
    • I am thinking much more clearly, I can see it most obviously in work contexts. Whether that leads to better quality of work or not, too early to say. I am more focused, and more likely to notice when I lose focus. I have been aware that I lose focus and drive when I hit an obstacle, a challenging task, or similar. I used to let my brain get distracted and browse away. Now I’m more likely to take a breath or three, observe that I am stuck on something and decide mindfully to try again, or set it aside and do something else
    • My sweet and salty snacking has pretty much gone away, not completely, but to a very large extent. I used to snack every half hour it seemed like, so much! Now it’s fruit for the most part, less frequently, which I love. I taste my food so much more, I’m paying attention to what I’m eating. I have not looked at my phone, watched a video, read a book, nothing at all while eating. It’s either been just eating, or talking. I guess the one exception is my afternoon popcorn snack, which I’ve been working through, Even that has been an intentional choice. I enjoy the F out of my post-lunch and post-dinner desserts!
    • My stomach feels a bit more settled, whether that’s a consequence of the snack reduction or being calmer
    • I am way more present in conversation, don’t look at my phone or zone out. Exception as this week had been a ridiculously busy work week and I kept getting notifications that were likely time sensitive, which meant quick watch checks, which I have noticed and tried to limit.
    • I really notice when I’ve gotten lost in thought and zoned out, the attention comes back soon after I notice.
    • I still feel angry, impatient sometimes, sad, happy, all the emotions. I do notice and remark upon them as I notice
    • I am practicing mindfulness again, 20 minutes a day or so and I feel like my brain really needs it to calm down. I frequently have nano-moments, a few breaths at a time to centre and come back to presence
    • I’m not sleeping any better, but I was sleeping just fine previously, and I already had great sleep hygiene
    • I am a more patient parent, for sure!

    I typed this whole list with just one break, to take care of a quick parenting task! That’s not something I could have done, my attention would have drifted.

    When I attended this retreat, I deliberately had no expectations other than to participate with presence. All I wanted as an outcome was to feel a little less fragmented and to have a healthier relationship with the internet. This list (and it’s not exhaustive) makes me so happy!

  • A Year in BC

    Or at least, it was when I started this post, now it’s almost 13 months!

    •  It is still beautiful, breathtakingly so
    •  We feel more settled for some reason, even though it is a new place
    •  Definitely more relaxed than I’ve ever been, which is saying a lot
    •  The cat is getting fatter, wait, that’s always been true
    •  Making friends is not easy in a non-university setting, but I’ve managed
    •  Fresh start, new habits, new zeal/drive, new person, not so much!
    •  The cable/cellphone/internet services make me long for the states. Rude monopolists abound and there is no competition/innovation.
    •  The “establishment” is very strong here, and the news media is very deferential
    •  Our famous social safety net is fraying, but it does not have the American charity/philanthropic base to replace the funding cuts
    •  We think we are an environmental leader, we are not and it is getting worse
    •  I worry that we are making no efforts to transition to the 21st century
    •  I still follow Carolina basketball, Go Heels!
    •  Facebook has made it very easy to keep in touch, given I am a terrible phone caller
    •  I still do not get hockey, did I mention I do not like fights?
    •  Let’s just say I’ve gone DIY on alcohol
    •  The BC Liberals are anything, but!
    •  Victoria feels like a slightly more urban Chapel Hill-Carrboro, but needs a Weaver Street Market.
    • Blogging has gotten non-existent, for a number of reasons.

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