Political rants belong on facebook. Yes, I tend to be better informed than most people I know, but the knowledge is derivative and gleaned from reading other blogs. Now unless I have some rare, personal insight, is there any point in venting on a blog, as opposed to just putting it on facebook so your friends can cluck along with you?
Blogs are meant for sharing, if you don’t tell anyone about your blog, there is no point
Science is supposed to be communicated. It behoves all scientists to try their utmost to speak and write in an easy to understand manner and assume no inside information or prior knowledge when speaking to the general public
Did I say, blog more already?
Media, pictures, more colour!
Explore ways of capturing insights when away from a computer, as in, talking in the car into a recorder (yes, looks silly, but I’ve lost that battle a while back!)
We will see how that goes, anyway, Happy New Year!!
If you knew me as a kid, the notion that I could sit still for even a minute without fidgeting unless focusing on some very interesting activity would be laughable. Even when focused, the fidget was always there and given my neurodiversity was (is) undiagnosed and not treated as such, my fidgets were ruined pens and pencils, books with edges torn off, every item within range chewed to some extent, the same doodle over and over on every page, so many other stims and coping mechanisms.
As I grew older, I learned to manage my (presumed) neurodiversity better. But the neurodivergent challenges are always present. Before this retreat, I would have identified as internet dependent, phone addict, whatever you call it. For me, it predates cellphones and started the minute I had access to reasonably “unlimited” internet. Phones made it worse, but it was still the same underlying issue. What I came to realize as retreating to a comfortable companion when faced with even the slightest bit of discomfort, difficulty or challenge needing procrastinaton. I needed that hit, whether it was mindless browsing, discussion forums, the news, social media, endless YouTube videos, whatever.
Anyway, my partner alerted me to a 3 day mindfulness retreat, mostly silent, called “Resting into mindfulness” organized by Stephanie Curran, someone she has taken courses from in the past and whose energy and approach she was sure would work for me. I had been wanting to do a retreat for a few years now, but something or the other got in the way. Not this time!
I am atheist. While I use Buddhist principles of mindfulness, presence, loving kindness (and Karuna, Muditha and Upekka!) and other precepts, and I appreciate some minor rituals (bells, symbolic objects), I am not comfortable with most major religions. I find the authoritarianism, directiveness, and patriarchy that all religions inevitably bring unpalatable and avoid them. So I have avoided a lot of structured retreats. This one was perfect.
Location Location Location
We were at the Bethlehem Centre, a beautiful retreat centre on the banks of the Westwood Lake in Nanaimo. You could see the lake from my room and you could walk out to the lake from the centre in seconds. This itself had such an impact on my overall experience! The centre was spacious and there was no one else there except us and the people volunteering/working there for the most part. The retreat included 3 meals a day, and your choice of shared or single accommodation. It was such a comfortable space to retreat. There were so many birds by the lake as well, which makes it a happy place for me.
Structure (and Unstructure)
Stephanie is trained in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction which uses the principles of mindfulness to help with mental health. MBSR leans on the Vipassana (insight meditation) version of Buddhism while being explicitly secular in practice.
I showed up Thursday afternoon, settled in, turned off my phone and the retreat got started after dinner. Then two full, mostly structured days followed. Sunday morning continued the retreat with a gradual return to reality for lunch and packing up to go home. It was mostly silent except for a 15 minute daily check in with the facilitator.
The retreat structure was based around these principles and consisted of the following activities
Guided meditation
Gentle yoga
Body scans
Walking meditation
DIY unstructured time
A short daily check
All of this was screen and internet free, and Stephanie did 98% of the talking J
We would wake up in the morning with a guided meditation, eat a lovely quiet breakfast followed by a mix of the activities over the course of the day. The time after lunch was unstructured, 2 hours of be by yourself activity, followed by more time when others were doing their check ins. Then, we got back together to do more of the activities, capped off by an evening ending guided meditation. I think it went from approx 730 AM – 9 PM (I could be off a bit here, it’s been 6 weeks!), but the ample unstructured time meant it did not feel like camp. I did not feel like I was rushing from activity to activity.
Facilitation
The facilitation is obviously a huge part of why this retreat really worked for me. Stephanie held us together so beautifully and provided a calm, non-judgmental and confident space for us to expand into. She always provided options, was gentle enough that you had to really pay attention to appreciate the planning and structure she put together. She skilfully weaved teachings, anecdotes, personal experience and fact through the sessions. The skill and the setup were big factors in why this retreat really worked for me. I expect very structured retreats based on more explicitly religious principles to not work for me.
How did I feel during?
Calm, present and centered is how I would describe it. I expected anxiety from being away from my phone, I expected actual physical withdrawal from not getting bits of dopamine every few minutes or even feeling my device in my pocket as a charm object. That never happened! How? I don’t want to examine it too much, but it turns out when you build the right container and structure, you can ease into being present even if it is hours at a time. I did not expect it to be that simple, but for me, it mostly was. I clearly needed the structure because I did find myself becoming a bit unsteady in the afternoon. Nothing a walk along the lake looking at birds mindfully did not solve! I did have to think about my unstructured time a bit to structure it in a way to keep me centered, would have been great to have a nap LOL, but I’m not a napper.
For me, sitting in meditation is often the hardest, I have used movement to calm and centre all my life. But the simple techniques Stephanie focused on, breath, sound, body awareness and being in “open” awareness really helped me through all of it. There’s never a one size fits all method. So, knowing there are a multiplicity of tools to pull out was helpful. Not everything was effortless, but knowing that’s part of the experience really helped (and we were reminded constantly). One key to me was that it did not feel like work, aspirational, effort filled, striving to a goal. It felt like flowing, you were doing (or not doing) something and if you felt discomfort, a barrier, you acknowledged it, examined it and let it pass.
Wow!
The silence
I am pretty comfortable with silence. I can sit with someone and not talk for a while. So that part was not hard. Being mostly silent was one more way to stay present. It wasn’t as if we were ritually silent, there was the occasional thank you, or “there’s a beautiful heron around the corner”. The point was to not use conversation as a distraction.
The after
I wrote about how I felt afterwards soon after I came back when it was fresh on my mind. Now, almost 6 weeks later, I feel substantially the same. Yes, 6 weeks is not a long time, but the retreat changed me in a meaningful way. And importantly, I know now the mental and physical state I want to be at most of the time. I did not know this before the retreat, nor did I think it was possible for someone like me. Knowing that state gives me so much confidence and strength, that if (when) I start moving away from this “new” homeostasis, I have the tools to recognize, acknowledge and respond with the many techniques this retreat taught me. I am blessed to start new habits and have them stick relatively easily. And I will try and go again!
My biggest insights
Skills, techniques aside, it’s awareness. I appear to now be more adept at recognizing when I have encountered a barrier, a challenge, a difficult situation, and then taking that small moment to acknowledge it instead of distracting away. Not all the time, not even close, but it’s a journey! So, that means I don’t always need the crutches, the phone, internet to cope. I do something else, a few deep breaths, a different activity, a stretch, change positions, whatever it is. For me, recognizing and pausing into presence is what I learned the most in the retreat and what I want to keep practicing for as long as I live. Also, as I mentioned, it’s the understanding of what mental and physical state I want to be in, I see that so much more clearly now, which makes it easier to get back to.
I’ve lived in Chapel Hill for over 10 years, encompassing a Ph. D, a marriage, a few jobs, cats, many wonderful friends and a blog that to this day proceeds in fits and starts. But, my time here is finally at an end. I accepted a job offer to move to Victoria, BC. It’s on Vancouver Island and quite breathtakingly beautiful in an almost throwaway fashion!
I am not kidding, the island’s just incredibly beautiful.
Anyways, I will be heading out for a long vacation in Chennai, back for 10 days or so, then leaving end of March to start work. Blogging for the next week or so should be normal (as in, no rhythm, rhyme or reason!). Once I get to Chennai, blogging will be sporadic as my parents don’t have internet and I am too lazy to set up a connection for a month!
Once I get to Victoria, blogging will, of course, resume, though I guess I’ll still remain pseudo anonymous (not that too many people care!). I will be working for a company that works very closely with the EPA and Environment Canada and things get delicate when you work with the government and criticize them! It will be interesting to see where this blog goes, though I will refrain from the usual gee whiz look at that beautiful scenery posting!
If you know people on Vancouver island you can hook me up with, please email /leave a comment. I don’t move that often, and I can’t rely on seeing familiar faces on Franklin Street and the Weaver Street Market any more!
S. is staying in Chapel Hill for a little longer, she loves her work and just started it!
It’s been fun living here, but all good things must pass.
Thomas Bata, the patriarch of one of the world’s largest family-owned business empires, died in a Toronto hospital Monday. He was 93.Bata, who fled to Canada ahead of the Nazi invasion of his native Czechoslovakia in 1939, ran the shoe-manufacturing company that bears his family name out of its Toronto headquarters for more than four decades overseeing its growth into a multinational organization that serves more than a million customers a day.
Bata shoe empire magnate dies in Toronto This man’s shoe company store was the place of pilgrimage every year for new school shoes and/or sneakers. I did not know he lived here, and ran his business out of Toronto. Bata was one of earliest brands I can remember, they were the only shoe in town when I was growing up. Bata’s brand has been overtaken on the cool factor points by the Nikes and Adidases of the world. But the last time I was in Chennai, I did find time to go to a Bata and buy a pair of sandals. The shopping experience was out of my childhood, the dusty no airconditioned store, the salespeople hanging around doing nothing much, chaos of unorganized shoes. There were some differences, they actually had a sale section! Anyway, when I was standing in line waiting to pay for the sandals, the guy sho sold them to me asked me if I could fill out a survey, and if I could please, if I didn’t mind, write in the comments section that the store needed air conditioning?? I sure did, because I was there 20 minutes in March, he was going to be there 10 hours a day through the summer.
Anyway, that was my last experience at a Bata’s. His stores are still the place to go for millions of people in small town India and even in the big cities. The stores could use a little bit of sprucing up (and some air conditioning), but the brand is still very strong.
Every self important blog needs its own domain. I got http://www.oliveridley.org quite a while back. But I am finally setting up this blog to redirect to the eponymous url. The blog is still hosted on wordpress’ servers and nothing should change as far as the links, the rss, etc. Everything should forward seamlessly without delay to the new url. But, if there are issues with the rss feeds, the suggested fix is to re-subscribe using the new url.
Now, to cure those summer blahs!
One Comment
And of course, do not lurk on blogs, comment if you have something to say.
A shout out to the 
Photo Courtesy 
This man’s shoe company store was the place of pilgrimage every year for new school shoes and/or sneakers. I did not know he lived here, and ran his business out of Toronto. Bata was one of earliest brands I can remember, they were the only shoe in town when I was growing up. Bata’s brand has been overtaken on the cool factor points by the Nikes and Adidases of the world. But the last time I was in Chennai, I did find time to go to a Bata and buy a pair of sandals. The shopping experience was out of my childhood, the dusty no airconditioned store, the salespeople hanging around doing nothing much, chaos of unorganized shoes. There were some differences, they actually had a sale section! Anyway, when I was standing in line waiting to pay for the sandals, the guy sho sold them to me asked me if I could fill out a survey, and if I could please, if I didn’t mind, write in the comments section that the store needed air conditioning?? I sure did, because I was there 20 minutes in March, he was going to be there 10 hours a day through the summer.
And of course, do not lurk on blogs, comment if you have something to say.