Post-Retreat Brain
I took time recently to attend a 3 day (mostly) silent meditation retreat by a beautiful lake recently. I’ll write about my retreat experience in a bit but I wanted to remind myself of the immediate effects post-retreat
- When I came out of the retreat and drove back from Nanaimo to Victoria, that was my first time out in the world post-retreat. Every sense was much clearer, it was like I had walked out of a sense fog. I just drove back, the nearly 2 hours with the stereo completely off. I was just contemplative and present, observing the world passing by me, wild!
- I had put away my phone on airplane mode for the retreat. While it did come back on, and I am using it, my relationship with the phone has changed fundamentally. no more random pickups, no browsing while walking, way less listening to music to quiet the mind. My consumption is >90% intentional now and I am able to notice when I drift to “browse” mode. Same with my laptop, tablet etc. I am still using all of these things, just not the same way
- I have spent zero time on social media in 10 days, and I don’t miss it at all. I assume I’ll get back to some of it one of these days
- I have consumed way way less news, I have not opened the IOS news app which I used to read all day. I still look at my rss feeds and check local news, but I’m now a bit out of touch. I’ll want to be a bit more in touch soon, but no hurry!
- So little YouTube! I’ve only used it for workouts, yoga etc. I used to watch sports highlights, gone, distract myself with random videos, gone!
- I’ve watched an episode or three of Stranger Things with my partner at night, but it has also been intentional and reminds me of watching TV in the 90s!
- Okay, enough about the browsing! Physically, I get through chores and physical tasks I used to find challenging effortlessly, whether it’s picking stuff up and putting it away, dishes, cooking, laundry. It’s just happening
- I am thinking much more clearly, I can see it most obviously in work contexts. Whether that leads to better quality of work or not, too early to say. I am more focused, and more likely to notice when I lose focus. I have been aware that I lose focus and drive when I hit an obstacle, a challenging task, or similar. I used to let my brain get distracted and browse away. Now I’m more likely to take a breath or three, observe that I am stuck on something and decide mindfully to try again, or set it aside and do something else
- My sweet and salty snacking has pretty much gone away, not completely, but to a very large extent. I used to snack every half hour it seemed like, so much! Now it’s fruit for the most part, less frequently, which I love. I taste my food so much more, I’m paying attention to what I’m eating. I have not looked at my phone, watched a video, read a book, nothing at all while eating. It’s either been just eating, or talking. I guess the one exception is my afternoon popcorn snack, which I’ve been working through, Even that has been an intentional choice. I enjoy the F out of my post-lunch and post-dinner desserts!
- My stomach feels a bit more settled, whether that’s a consequence of the snack reduction or being calmer
- I am way more present in conversation, don’t look at my phone or zone out. Exception as this week had been a ridiculously busy work week and I kept getting notifications that were likely time sensitive, which meant quick watch checks, which I have noticed and tried to limit.
- I really notice when I’ve gotten lost in thought and zoned out, the attention comes back soon after I notice.
- I still feel angry, impatient sometimes, sad, happy, all the emotions. I do notice and remark upon them as I notice
- I am practicing mindfulness again, 20 minutes a day or so and I feel like my brain really needs it to calm down. I frequently have nano-moments, a few breaths at a time to centre and come back to presence
- I’m not sleeping any better, but I was sleeping just fine previously, and I already had great sleep hygiene
- I am a more patient parent, for sure!
I typed this whole list with just one break, to take care of a quick parenting task! That’s not something I could have done, my attention would have drifted.
When I attended this retreat, I deliberately had no expectations other than to participate with presence. All I wanted as an outcome was to feel a little less fragmented and to have a healthier relationship with the internet. This list (and it’s not exhaustive) makes me so happy!
